📩 The ER Visit That Changed Everything: Turning Health Emergencies Into Email Gold

Today we're redoing an email that tries to sell health coaching scholarships but fails to create any emotional connection or urgency.

The original has all the right ingredients - a transformation promise, limited-time offer, and clear call-to-action - but delivers them with all the emotional impact of a grocery list.

Let's see how we can turn a medical emergency into marketing magic...

👎 The “Bad” Email (ORIGINAL) 👎

Subject line: ​​​​​What If Your Body Felt as Powerful as Your Business

Hey Adrian,

What if you could feel your absolute BEST — while still crushing it in business or career?

Imagine this:

• Waking up energized and clear-headed; focused!

• Pulling on clothes that fit perfectly and make you feel unstoppable

• Walking into your office with presence, power, and purpose

• Leading your team with confidence because you've taken care of YOU

That version of you? It's not far away. It's one decision away.

When you say YES to investing in yourself — to becoming a fit, healthy leader — that's when the game changes.

And the best part? We want to help you get there.

We're giving away $30,000 in coaching scholarships for business owners, executives, and leaders who are ready to stop putting their health last — and make it the foundation for their next level.

But you only have 24 hours left to apply.

This is your chance to:

• Regain your energy

• Feel clear and confident

• Build momentum that sticks — without sacrificing your business, your family, or your sanity

Click here to apply now to claim your shot at one of our scholarships

You're not too far gone. You're not behind. You're just one powerful decision away.

Let's go, —

-Anonymous Sender

❌ Why This Email Fails ❌

This email suffers from a critical case of "tell, don't show" syndrome.

Instead of creating an emotional connection through a compelling story, it relies on generic bullet points and vague promises that could apply to literally any health program on the market.

The biggest missed opportunities include:

🚫 No Emotional Hook: The subject line asks a question but doesn't create curiosity or tension. It feels like the beginning of a sales pitch, not a story I need to read.

🚫 Generic "Imagine" Scenario: The bulleted "imagine" section reads like copy from every health program ever created. There's nothing specific or unique about this transformation.

🚫 No Real Stakes: Why should I care about this NOW? The email mentions a 24-hour deadline but gives me no compelling reason why I should drop everything to apply.

🚫 Missing Social Proof: We don't hear from anyone who's actually experienced this transformation, making the promises feel theoretical rather than proven.

🚫 No Specificity: What exactly is this program? How does it work? How much time will it take? The email leaves too much to the imagination, creating uncertainty rather than conviction.

What's most frustrating is that the brand actually has powerful stories at their disposal (their website was FULL of them), but they're not using them in their emails.

Or at least where it matters.

This is like having a Ferrari in your garage but riding a tricycle to work.

👨‍💻 How I’d Rewrite It 👨‍💻

Subject line: She collapsed during a business meeting.
Preview text: What happened next changed everything.

She never saw the ambulance coming.

One minute Sarah was standing in her conference room, pitching her team on Q2 strategy. The next, she was on the floor, her concerned employees frantically dialing 911.

The ER doctor didn't sugarcoat it: "Whatever you're doing? It's killing you. Your blood pressure is through the roof, and your heart is screaming for help."

Sarah stared at the ceiling, IV in her arm, thinking about her 10-year-old daughter.

Would her little girl remember her as the mom who built a thriving business but wasn't around to see her grow up?

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Sarah had been an athlete once – strong, vibrant, unstoppable. But somewhere between founding her company and raising her family, she'd disappeared from her own priority list.

"I just don't have time to take care of myself," she told the doctor.

The look he gave her made her blood run cold.

"Then make time," he said. "Or we'll be having a very different conversation next time."

That moment in the ER was Sarah's wake-up call. She had built a business that could run without her, but she had created a body that couldn't.

For 10 years, she had been stuck in survival mode – exhausted, frustrated, reactive. She knew all the right things to do (she was a former athlete, for God's sake!), but she couldn't break the cycle.

Then Sarah found us at TFP.

We didn't offer a magic pill or an impossible regimen. We offered something she'd been missing far longer than fitness: hope without judgment, tools without shame, and a community all striving to reach higher together.

Six months later, Sarah was 27 pounds lighter – but more importantly, she was present, focused, and energized in both her business and family life.

The most successful leaders know a secret that took Sarah an ER visit to learn: your body is the foundation that everything else sits on. When it crumbles, nothing else matters.

Right now, we're offering an opportunity that might save you from your own wake-up call:

We're giving away $30,000 in coaching scholarships for business owners and executives who are ready to stop putting their health on the back burner – and make it the engine that drives their next level of success.

This scholarship could be the difference between:

• Running your business while running on fumes – or leading with clarity and unstoppable energy

• Making decisions from a place of exhaustion – or from a foundation of physical and mental strength

• Building wealth while sacrificing health – or creating success that you'll actually be around to enjoy

The application takes just 7 minutes to complete, but the deadline is tomorrow at midnight.

[APPLY FOR YOUR SCHOLARSHIP NOW]

The truth is, your body is the most important business asset you'll ever own. No investment, no hire, no strategy will ever deliver the ROI that comes from taking care of the vehicle that carries your brilliant mind through the world.

To your health and success,

-Anonymous Sender

P.S. Every week, I speak with successful business owners who say, "I wish I hadn't waited so long to make this change." Don't let that be your story. The scholarship application closes tomorrow at midnight, and we won't be offering this again in 2025. Apply now.

🧠 Why This Version Works

Let's break down the key improvements that make this email more compelling:

🔥 The Emotional Journey

The “redo” takes readers on a journey from crisis to transformation, creating an emotional connection that makes them feel invested in the outcome.

When they’re invested in knowing how things end, you’re in a great position.

By starting with a medical emergency, a crisis, it immediately taps into primal fears about mortality and legacy that every entrepreneur harbors.

💡 The Relatable Character Arc

The protagonist of our story follows a classic character arc that many business owners will see themselves in:

• Former athlete/healthy person

• Success in business/family became priority

• Health declined gradually, almost imperceptibly

• Crisis moment forces recognition

• Discovery of solution

• Transformation and new perspective

This structure creates both identification ("That's me now") and aspiration ("That could be me soon").

Remember: Get your reader to identify with what they’re reading.

🎯 Precise Pain Points

Rather than generic statements about "feeling your best," the redo names specific emotional states that resonate with the ones reading it:

• Being in "survival mode"

• Feeling "exhausted, frustrated, reactive"

• Knowing what to do but "couldn't break the cycle"

• Making decisions "from a place of exhaustion"

🛠️ The Solution Positioning

The coach isn't positioned as a fitness guru but as someone who provides:

• "Hope without judgment"

• "Tools without shame"

• A "community striving to reach higher"

This addresses the emotional barriers that prevent busy professionals from seeking help, not just the physical ones.

Like one of my buddy’s said on Facebook this past week:

“Maybe your offer doesn’t suck, but your positioning does.”

⏰ Genuine Urgency

The deadline feels meaningful because the stakes have been established.

It's not just about missing a discount; it's about continuing on a path that could lead to your own health crisis.

Don’t just try to create urgency. Create the kind of urgency that builds internal tension.

📊 The ROI Framing

The email positions health not as a sacrifice of business productivity but as the foundation that makes business success possible.

This simple reframing turns what seems like a tradeoff into a strategic advantage.

How To Apply This To Your Emails 🫵

If you're marketing a health, fitness, or wellness solution to entrepreneurs, here are six specific techniques you can steal from this email:

1. Use the "Wake-Up Call" Story Structure 
   
   Health transformations often begin with a crisis moment.
   
   If you have client testimonials, mine them for these pivotal moments – the diagnosis, the embarrassing incident, the moment of clarity.
   
   These make powerful email openings that hook readers emotionally.
   

2. Frame Health as a Business Asset 
   
   Business owners prioritize ROI.
   
   Don't position health as competing with business (which creates resistance) but as a fundamental business asset.
   
   Use language like "your body is your most valuable business asset" or "physical energy is the fuel for business performance."
   

3. Create Before/After Emotional States 
   
   Don't just focus on physical transformations.
   
   Map the emotional journey from "exhausted, frustrated, reactive" to "present, focused, and energized."
   
   Business owners are often more motivated by emotional benefits than physical ones.
   

4. Use Time-Based Comparisons 
   
   The rewrite mentions "10 years" of decline followed by "six months" of transformation.
   
   This creates a powerful contrast between how long the problem persisted versus how quickly it can be solved with the right approach.
   

5. Address the "No Time" Objection Head-On 
   
   The number one objection for busy professionals is always time.
   
   The story confronts this directly with the doctor's stark "make time" command and positions it as a false choice between business and health.
   

6. Make the Deadline Meaningful 
   
   Instead of just stating a deadline, tie it to meaningful consequences.
   
   The P.S. in this email doesn't just remind readers of the deadline but frames it in terms of regret ("I wish I hadn't waited so long") – a powerful motivator for professionals who hate missing opportunities.

Remember: Health and fitness marketing works best when it connects to identity, not just outcomes. Business owners don't just want to look better – they want to be the kind of leader who has it all together.

Your emails should paint a picture of that aspirational identity while acknowledging the very real challenges they face.

What To Do Next ⏩

• 🚀 Want your email redone? Submit it here

• 🧬 Want AI to writes killer emails that sound JUST like you? Go here to get the AI Email Clone

• 📧 Forward this to someone who writes marketing emails

• 📈 Use your referral link at the bottom of this email and get a friend to subscribe (you get rewards for doing so btw)

-Adrian

P.S. Notice how effectively the rewrite uses the "borrowed story" technique?

When you don't have your own dramatic tale to tell, a client testimonial can be transformed into a third-person narrative that carries all the emotional impact without feeling like a fabrication.

This approach works in virtually any industry where transformation is part of your value proposition.