📩 The Email Crime Scene: When Storytelling Experts Don't Tell Stories

You know what makes me want to smack my forehead harder than watching someone try to push a door marked "PULL"?

Seeing a so-called storytelling expert write an email about storytelling... without actually telling a single story.

It's like a pastry chef describing how delicious their croissants are while refusing to let you taste one. Or a barber with a terrible haircut. Or a fitness coach with the physique of a potato.

The hypocrisy! The irony! The missed opportunity to make serious cash!

Today, we're going to transform an email that preaches about storytelling (but practices none of it) into a narrative so compelling, it'll have entrepreneurs reaching for their wallets faster than my dog lunges for unattended pizza.

Let's turn this storytelling crime scene into a masterpiece, shall we?

👎 The “Bad” Email (ORIGINAL) 🥱

Subject: Why Storytelling is Your Secret Weapon

Hi Adrian,

Storytelling is more than just a buzzword—it's the secret weapon behind many of the most successful entrepreneurs. When I started using storytelling in my business, my sales didn't just go up—I was able to connect on a deeper level with my audience.

Storytelling humanizes your brand and makes you more relatable, which is key to attracting loyal clients. If you want to attract more people, increase your reach, and close more sales, you need to understand the power of storytelling.

On the Story to Stage Tour, I'll teach you exactly how to craft a compelling Signature Story that speaks directly to your audience's pain points and desires.

Get on the waitlist now and learn how storytelling can transform your business.

Also get Exclusive Bonuses When You Join The Waitlist:

Bonus #1: 7-Step Storyteller Presentation Blueprint This exclusive blueprint will walk you step-by-step through the process of crafting a compelling and impactful presentation that attracts the right clients every time!

Bonus #2: A ONE-ON-ONE Messaging Makeover Session When you join the waitlist, you'll also have the chance to be selected for a personalized one-on-one messaging makeover session with one of our expert coaches!

Looking forward to seeing you there,

-Anonymous Writer

❌ Why This Email Fails ❌

This email talks about storytelling without actually telling a story. It's like someone lecturing you about the deliciousness of cake without letting you taste a single crumb.

The email is committing several sins against the 5 Lever Framework:

First off, the subject line ("Why Storytelling is Your Secret Weapon") is as boring as watching paint dry on a humid day.

It tells us exactly what the email is about, removing any curiosity or desire to open.

(Remember: the key to get someone to open is CURIOSITY! Don’t spill the beans!)

Second, there's no "open loop" that creates tension or curiosity to pull readers through the email.

It starts with a straightforward statement about storytelling being more than a buzzword. Yawn.

Nobody likes a lecturer.

Third, despite being an email ABOUT storytelling, it contains zero actual stories.

Not a single concrete example of how storytelling transformed a business or sold a product.

It's all abstract benefits without the emotional punch, and misses a great opportunity to DEMONSTRATE the power of storytelling to make the pitch even more compelling!

Fourth, the transition from the general info about storytelling to the offer feels abrupt and forced.

There's no natural journey that makes the reader feel the tour is the obvious next step.

Finally, the call-to-action is generic and uninspiring. "Get on the waitlist now" doesn't create any emotional urgency to act immediately.

And the link is in the MIDDLE of the email only…

Not at the bottom, at all?

(HINT: Place a link in the intro, middle and ending if you can. MORE opportunities to click = the better! Just keep the link the same throughout, don’t link multiple links.)

👨‍💻 How I'd Rewrite It 👨‍💻

Subject: How a brewery tour made Schlitz the #1 beer in America

I can pinpoint the exact moment I understood the real power of storytelling in business.

I was sitting in my car, radio blaring, stuck in traffic on the 405 in Los Angeles.

The kind of gridlock where you start wondering if maybe you should just abandon your vehicle and start a new life right there on the freeway.

My marketing podcast was playing an episode about Claude Hopkins, arguably the greatest advertiser who ever lived.

And what he did for Schlitz beer in the early 1900s stopped me cold.

See, Schlitz was struggling. They were the 8th ranked beer in America, losing market share and desperate for a turnaround.

They hired Hopkins to create their next advertising campaign. And the first thing he did?

Asked for a tour of the brewery.

As Hopkins walked through the facility, he was blown away by what he saw.

In plate-glass rooms, beer dripped over pipes in filtered air, ensuring purity. Massive filters filled with white-wood pulp provided superior filtration. Bottles were sterilized not once or twice, but FOUR times before being filled.

The water came from 4,000-foot deep artesian wells, despite being next to Lake Michigan.

In the laboratory, he saw the mother yeast cell—the product of 1,200 experiments to develop the robust flavor.

Hopkins was mesmerized. "Why don't you tell people about this?" he asked the Schlitz team.

Their response?

"All companies brew beer about the same way. There's nothing special about it."

But Hopkins knew better. He created an entirely new advertising campaign based on the brewing process—telling the story that EVERY brewery could have told, but didn't.

The result?

Within six months, Schlitz rocketed from 8th place to the #1 selling beer in America.

Let that sink in.

They didn't change their product. They didn't slash their prices. They didn't run some gimmicky promotion.

They simply told a story that was always there, waiting to be told.

And it transformed their business overnight.

I sat there in traffic, completely ignoring the honking around me, as a realization hit me like a ton of bricks:

All stories are interesting, but not all stories are told.

Your story—the one you haven't shared because you think it's "boring" or "nothing special"—could be the very thing that separates you from every competitor in your space.

But here's the problem: most entrepreneurs don't know how to find their "Schlitz story"—the narrative that would make them the obvious choice in their industry.

Instead, they:

• Copy what everyone else is saying (becoming instantly forgettable)

• Focus on technical features nobody cares about

• Hide their most compelling stories because they seem "ordinary"

• Struggle to translate their passion into words that sell

I've spent the last decade helping entrepreneurs find and tell their Schlitz story—the narrative that turns casual browsers into passionate buyers and one-time customers into lifelong advocates.

On my upcoming Story to Stage Tour, I'm teaching exactly how to uncover and craft your Signature Story—the kind that makes you the #1 choice in your market, just like Schlitz became in theirs.

You'll discover:

• The "Hidden Gold Mine" method for finding your most powerful stories (hint: they're hiding in plain sight)

• The psychology behind why certain stories trigger immediate buying responses (while others fall flat)

• My 3-part "Emotional Journey" framework that transforms dry information into compelling narratives

• How to adapt your story for different platforms—from Instagram to sales pages to live presentations

[YES, SAVE ME A SPOT ON THE STORY TO STAGE TOUR]

When you join the waitlist today, you'll also receive:

• The 7-Step Storyteller Presentation Blueprint—my exact process for crafting presentations that convert strangers into clients

• A chance to be selected for a ONE-ON-ONE Messaging Makeover with one of our expert coaches (we select one person per week from our waitlist)

Don't let your most powerful selling asset—your story—remain untold while your competitors blend into the background noise of your industry.

Be like Schlitz. Tell the story only you can tell.

Go here now to join the waitlist before time is up and seats are full.

-Anonymous Writer

P.S. Remember, Schlitz didn't create a new brewing process. They simply told the story of what they were already doing. Your business already has its "brewing process" story. You just need to learn how to tell it.

Save your spot on the tour HERE and let's find your story together.

✅ Why This Version Works Better ✅

The rewritten email crushes it by actually USING storytelling to sell a storytelling product.

It's like showing up to a cooking class and actually getting to taste the food.

Crazy concept, right?

The subject line ("How a brewery tour made Schlitz the #1 beer in America") creates immediate curiosity.

Who doesn't want to know how a simple tour transformed a company's fortunes?

The opening scene places us in gridlocked traffic, creating a vivid moment we can picture.

It's specific and relatable—we've all been stuck in traffic wishing we could abandon our cars and start new lives as highway nomads.

The Schlitz story demonstrates the power of storytelling without ever having to say "storytelling is powerful."

It SHOWS rather than TELLS, making the reader experience the concept rather than just read about it.

The transition from the Schlitz story to the offer feels natural.

After hearing about how storytelling transformed Schlitz, learning how to uncover your own "Schlitz story" feels like the obvious next step.

Finally, the call-to-action ("YES, SAVE ME A SPOT ON THE STORY TO STAGE TOUR") connects directly to the emotional journey established in the email.

It's not just about joining a waitlist; it's about finding YOUR story that could transform your business like Schlitz's.

Plus, they’re are more links in this emaill… which means, more clicks!

🫵 How To Apply This To Your Emails 🫵

When selling anything related to marketing or communication, don't just tell people about techniques—demonstrate them in your email.

Find a historical example of your concept in action.

The Schlitz story works because it's a clear, compelling case study that proves storytelling works in the real world.

Create sensory details in your stories.

Notice how the traffic scene puts you right there in the car, and the brewery tour lets you "see" the process through Hopkins' eyes.

Focus on transformation, not features.

The rewrite emphasizes how Schlitz went from 8th to 1st place, not just the technical details of how stories work.

Make your call-to-action an extension of your story.

The offer shouldn't feel like a separate sales pitch but the natural next chapter in the narrative you've created. (And include more links than usual).

And most importantly, always remember: your email is itself a story.

Not a bucket of benefits, not a collection of features, but a journey that takes your reader from where they are to where they want to be.

Capeesh?

-Adrian “Living A Storytellers Dream” Moreno

P.S. Want to learn how to write high converting story-based emails like the one I just wrote here… but with AI? And do it in a way that sounds so much like you it's almost scary?

If yes, go HERE right this second.

P.P.S.